Written by Frank Gilhooley, The WanderBhoys.
Having previously dragged The WanderBhoys up Kilimanjaro and later across the Andes to Machu Picchu, you’d think I would have developed a survival instinct. But no. The next logical step to raise money for Celtic FC Foundation was obvious: a gruelling, six-day, knee-destroying trek across the spectacular, ancient and not remotely flat landscape of China.
At the dawn on Friday, April 3, nine of us—all proud Celtic fans—boarded a direct Hainan Airways flight from Edinburgh to Beijing. We were fuelled entirely by blind optimism, charitable spirit, and a complete lack of understanding of what we were about to undertake.
- Welcome to Beijing (Mind the 10 Lanes of Traffic)
Landing in Beijing is a total sensory masterpiece. Everything is built on a scale that makes Glasgow look like a Lego village. The apartment blocks look like endless, jaw-dropping stacks of towering pristine dominoes, and the city roads boast a casual ten lanes of traffic. It is absolutely majestic, highly efficient, and the perfect place to visit if you want to see a city that actually works in widescreen.
But the real highlight? The people. Armed with a few months of learning basic Chinese on Audible – which mostly taught me how to ask “where is the closest pub?” – I gave the local dialect a go.
It turns out that the second a Scotsman mutters a few syllables of butchered Mandarin, the locals don’t just understand you, they practically hug you, weep with joy, and celebrate your absolute failure to pronounce vowels. It also made ordering beer significantly easier, which was the real victory.
Having checked our stuff into a lovely hotel, our guide immediately whisked us off to the underground system and we were on our way.
Re-emerging within only a few minutes, we soon entered the gloriously breathtaking Blossom Garden. I’m not saying it’s huge but my watch had registered 12,500 steps by 2pm and we were still in the queue to get in!
“I hope these steps count as part of the trek” I thought to myself.
What a place though. Ancient, beautiful, and outrageously popular with the locals as we all found out.
We walked and walked absorbing in the city big time! Every single thing in Beijing is on a grand scale compared to home, it’s truly amazing!
After soaking in a vibrant, buzzing city that makes Ibiza look like a sleepy retirement village—eating sumptuous Chinese dishes and finally getting about twelve minutes of sleep—we breakfasted in the hotel and were ready to face our three-hour drive to Zhienjiabou for Day One of our trek. Hurrah.
- The “Easy-Peazy” Lie and the Forest of Regret
Here is a fun little fact they conveniently omit from glossy holiday brochures: the bus does not drop you off atthe Great Wall. Oh, no. It drops you off a mile or two away. To actually reach the Great Wall, you must first survive an almost vertical hike for a few hours through dense forest paths, onwards and upwards to reach often a rickety ladder on which to climb onto the wall.
For the ultra-fit lads in our group, this daily warm-up was “easy-peazy.” For me? Let’s just say my peak fitness era is a distant, historical memory. It became a daily exercise in psychological warfare just to get to the starting line. But this is the Celtic family—we dug in, we complained bitterly inside our own heads, and we bit the bullet. Every single morning.
Thankfully, nature provided a gorgeous distraction. The world-famous blossom was just starting to bloom, and how it bloomed. As the sun beat down beautifully, the forests slowly wrapped the ancient stone paths in a stunning blanket of pink and white.
Whilst arranging the itinerary, I had arranged for us to trek away from the heavily commercialised tourist spots, so we had these breathtaking, untamed views entirely to ourselves. Just us, the blossoms, and my failing lungs.
- Groaning Knees and Ancient Bricklayers
If you think the Great Wall is a nice, flat walkway, like me you must have loved and admired pictures of The Great Wall of China without actually digesting its dynamics.
Parts of it are so steep they defy the laws of physics. As our leg muscles registered every excruciating upward step and our knees loudly protested every downward descent, my mind kept wandering back to the history books.
How on earth did they build this? The sheer scale is mind-boggling. Every single clay block had to be moulded, baked, and carried up into these remote, jagged mountain peaks by hand. Meanwhile, I was struggling to carry myself and a lightweight backpack. Absolute heroes.
By Day Two, we were trekking the Huanghuangcheng Lake area. Miraculously, our bodies stopped mutinying and actually started to cooperate. The view of the lake cutting through the mountains from high up on the wall was pure magic. Down at the base, we discovered a local market where food was actually affordable—a refreshing change from Western tourist traps that charge you a mortgage and your firstborn child for a bottle of water.
That evening at our remote guesthouse, we were treated to a massive Chinese banquet and a few well-earned beers. The family running it treated us like absolute royalty. After dinner, the karaoke machine came out. Their 10-year-old son put on a performance so spectacular I’m convinced he’ll be winning China’s Got Talent by next week, put us all to shame, and single-handedly destroyed whatever musical dignity we had left.
- From Ancient Ruins to… The Golden Arches
Days Three and Four took us to the Mutianyu section. This was a brilliant contrast. We started in the crumbling, atmospheric ruins of the old wall, scrambled over a mountain range, and descended into the pristine, fully restored section.
The sun was relentless, and as the afternoon heat peaked, we reached a ridiculously steep descent. Our guide mercifully steered us toward the cable car. Gliding effortlessly down the mountain with a 360-degree panoramic view was pure bliss.
Once at the bottom, the team held a democratic vote on where to experience authentic culinary culture. Naturally, we chose the mountain-base McDonald’s. I wish I was joking. Nine Scotsmen in the middle of ancient China, eating Big Macs. Truly, we are cultural connoisseurs. I’ll say no more on the matter.
The locals continued to outdo themselves. That night, the guesthouse owner wanted to thank us for our custom. How? By hosting a full-blown, massive fireworks display right outside our window. It’s safe to say we were absolutely blown away. Literally. I think my eyebrows are still growing back. Amazing kindness.
- Prophecies and a 72-Year-Old Legend
Day Five brought the mist, drizzle, and a trip to the Jiankou section. At the Jinshanling entrance, there is a massive, awe-inspiring stone mural that charts the entire history of the Wall from right to left—from ancient battles to modern-day peace.
As we examined it, a few of the lads noticed something uncanny. It turns out the modern day Chinese stone carvers possessed the gift of prophecy. If you look closely at the photos below, the mural clearly predicted my exact arrival years in advance. They knew I was coming. I’m basically a historical figure now.
As if on cue, the rain stopped, the clouds parted, and we were treated to the most pristine, postcard-perfect views of the entire trip. We swapped stories with travellers from across the globe, and had the absolute privilege of buying snacks from a lovely 72-year-old local woman.
She has run her tiny stall on that exact section of the Wall for over 30 years. A beautiful moment of pure cultural connection, mostly involving us gesturing wildly and happily for sweets.
- Frozen Streams and Echoes of Paradise
The final day. We tackled the unrestored, wild side of the Jiankou section. The landscape shifted dramatically, turning from lush, wet forest into a dry landscape. The sun was cracking the flags from the very first step.
As we hiked up through the steep woods, we stumbled across a small stream that was still completely frozen solid from the winter—a bizarre sight while sweating through our shirts under the blazing sun.
We stopped at a high clearing to record a video message for Celtic FC Foundation to play on the big screens at Celtic Park before the match the next day. We gathered together and roared “COMOOOOOON THE CELTIC!!!” at the absolute top of our lungs, watching the sound echo right across the valleys of China. The local wildlife has probably still not recovered.
Just to prove you can never escape Scottish football, on our final stretch, we crossed paths with a Hearts fan from Portobello. In the middle of China. You can’t make this up.
When we finally scaled the steps to the upper watchtower—our final checkpoint—the emotion hit us. Six days of brutal trekking across the remote Great Wall of China was complete. There were massive hugs, a few tears, and a lot of patting each other on the back. We had survived.
Later that evening one of our group, collapsed in agony and had to be rushed to hospital and I jumped in the ambulance with him. It turned out to be an undiagnosed health issue, thankfully he’s feeling much chirpier now than the poor Hearts fan is.
- Empires, Duck, and a Sort of Pub Crawl
Throughout our trip, our tour guide was an absolute legend, seamlessly transitioning from location to location, handling a medical emergency to showing us the historic wonders of Beijing.
We kicked off our final day at Tiananmen Square, where by sheer coincidence, hundreds of Spanish flags were being hoisted to welcome the Spanish President, Pedro Sánchez, arriving the next day. As a massive admirer of his, this was a proud and brilliant moment for me to personally witness. I also made sure to grab a selfie right beside the location of the iconic 1989 Tiananmen Square tank incident—one of those historical moments that is permanently burned into global memory.
Right across the road, we delved into the Forbidden City. The history here is completely mind-blowing, though adjusting to the jaw-dropping crowds was a bit of a shock to the system after spending six days in the peaceful wilderness. If you want a preview of the scale of the place, just go watch the Oscar-winning movie The Last Emperor.
After working up a massive appetite, we hit a popular local restaurant to try some traditional staples. The signature Beijing Roast Duck—or Peking Kao Ya, as my trusty Audible book called it—was a culinary masterpiece. The rest of the food was spectacular, apart from one highly experimental dish that was quite literally just deep-fried poultry bones. No meat. Just some sort of crunchy skeleton. It is safe to say that not one of us could manage it. Not a single one.
In the afternoon, we moved on to the majestic Summer Palace. We got a fantastic history lesson about the famous Dragon Lady and the construction of the massive canal that links directly across the ancient city to the Forbidden Palace. Apparently, it was urgently constructed by 2.5 million workies, solely so the Dragon Lady could make sure her Emperor child could travel back and forth from the Forbidden City without having to meet a single commoner.
We wrapped up the day with an amazing show at the acrobatic theatre, which made our own physical achievements on the Wall look like a toddler’s gym class. Before collapsing from exhaustion, we popped into the hospital to check on our fallen comrade one last time.
All the travel and walking and sightseeing set us up nicely for our final day, a lazy lazy day in Beijing—which predictably turned into a lazy pub crawl sort of day, without the crawl, and just one pub.
The Final Whistle
Having organised this entire trek from start to finish, I shed a few tears as we packed our bags for home. It was gutting to board the flight knowing we had to leave one of our squad behind in a Beijing hospital bed.
The brilliant news is that he is now back home, safe, and recovering exceptionally well.
The Great Wall Of China was a phenomenal, unforgettable adventure with an incredible group of like minded ordinary people… Celtic fans one and all.
A massive thank you to everyone who supported us, we conquered the Great Wall, survived the deep-fried bones, all while raising over £14k for Celtic FC Foundation and their wonderful work tackling poverty and promoting inclusion. With fundraising still on going we would greatly appreciate any further donations to our efforts. Hail Hail!
You can still donate by clicking HERE.
